You get to thinking of the Earth as an organism, a living thing. You get to worry about it, care for it, wish it well. National boundaries are as invisible as meridians of longitude, or the Tropics of Cancer and Capricorn. The boundaries are arbitrary. The planet is real.
DONT ASK ME THIS, THIS IS HOW THE TROJAN WAR STARTED, I DONT WANT THIS MAN
Right away, Aphrodite popped into my head.
And then I’m just like, “DAMMIT, DID YOU LEARN NOTHING FROM PARIS? YOU ARE AN EMBARRASSMENT, AND NOW ALL THE TROJANS ARE DEAD. I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY.”
If you are ever actually in this situation, pro-tip: name Persephone. Half the goddesses will be too surprised to smite you immediately and while Hades won’t do you any favors he may at least high-five you while your on your way down.
Another tip: name Mesperyian. Not only will you shock everyone, including her (since Aphrodite was a jealous ho who burnt half her face off), but you’ll win Hades’ favour. As his most beloved daughter, anything that praises her will make you a kind human to her, an okay human to him, and a genuinely good person to anyone else.
I heartily endorse this alternative answer.
I love how all of this advice leads to “please Hades at all costs.”
#because Hades really wasn’t that bad
No shit. The only real villain that caused so many problems was Zeus’ Thunder Cock and that thing has been in Olympus-knows-what.
ZUES’S THUNDER COCK
To be fair, Poseidon was like the greek mythology personification of the phrase ‘BITCH, FIGHT ME’
My friend recommended your blog and I'm totally in love :) Anyway, I'm scheduled for an abortion and I'm feeling pretty nervous and scared. I think because with any medical surgery I get nervous but idk. My friend said you used to be a doula and I was just wondering if you could give me any advice or tips to help calm my nerves or help me get through this.
Wear comfy clothes (things you like to wear when you’re having a bad period)
Pack:
Extra pads
Extra undies
A book
Cellphone charger
Make sure you have a ride to and from the clinic
Rent (or download) some great trashy romantic comedies or whatever your pleasure is
Buy or root out from beneath your bed a heating pack. (If you don’t have one you can also fill a clean sock with dry rice and tie off the end. Microwave for 3 minutes and voila! Heating pad.)
Buy yummy snacks, hot chocolate, comfort foods
Buy Ibuprofen and tylenol (as long as you have no health problems that are contraindicated with those medications)
If you feel comfortable with it, make a plan for beloved friends/family to come over afterward to snuggle with you on your bed to watch the above mentioned trashy movies.
During:
Be mindful of yourself and what you need. If you are given the option of using pain medication, accept it if you think you’ll need it. Don’t try to be braver than you need to be.
If you’re feeling extremely nervous, you can ask for the counselor you speak with ahead of time to come into the procedure with you. It won’t always be possible, but it’s an option.
If you feel like you’re having an anxiety attack or even just getting to be more anxious than you want to be, practice breathing exercises. A favorite of mine is breathing in through your nose for 4 seconds, holding it for 4 seconds, breathing out through your mouth for 4 seconds, and holding it for 4 seconds. Repeat.
Feel free at any time to close your eyes and picture your happy place. Don’t just imagine it - really go there. If you’re picturing yourself on the beach, feel the sun on your skin, smell the briny ocean, hear the seagulls, the wind, feel the sand beneath you, etc.
Ask a nurse to hold your hand
Breathe. Try as hard as you can to remember to breathe.
Be prepared for pain. Know that it is intense, but it will be short, and the staff will keep you safe. It is strong, but you are stronger. For lack of any other option, you will make it through.
Afterward:
Give yourself the time you need to recover. For some people that’s a couple of hours, for others it’s a week or so.
Check in with yourself regularly. Do you need more sleep? Do you need more water? Do you need more pain meds?
Feel free to take pain meds as often as written on the label. For someone with strong cramps (and no contraindicating health problems) a good regimen is 600mg of Motrin at 12pm, 650mg of Tylenol at 3pm, 600mg of Motrin at 4-6pm, 650mg of Tylenol at 7pm, etc.
Call the clinic with any questions you have, even if they seem silly.
Make an agreement with a friend you trust to check in once a day just to chat. If you want to talk about the abortion you can, but it’s good to have someone who you know will make sure you’re okay every day.
Call backline or exhale if you need to decompress with someone.
If your bleeding has been getting less and less and then suddenly gets heavier again, cut back on activity. It’s your body telling you that you’re going too fast and you still need to be healing.
1. People that have their shit together turn me on.
2. People that work hard and have passion for things turn me on.
3. People that have a handle on their vocabulary but aren’t condescending about it turn me on.
4. People that are fun on the dance floor turn me on.
5. People with emotional maturity turn me on.
6. People who make me feel desirable and then pursue me respectfully but with clear and laser
focused intention turn me on.
7. Honest communication turns me on (lying is seriously the biggest turn off. See item 1.)
8. About two glasses of red wine really turns me on.
Kids love black holes the way they love T-Rex. And I think it’s because each of these entities can eat you. And anything that eats you, you give your highest respect.
—
Neil deGrasse Tyson, The Inexplicable Universe: Unsolved Mysteries (via sonnywortzik)
Once a little boy sent me a charming card with a little drawing on
it. I loved it. I answer all my children’s letters — sometimes very
hastily — but this one I lingered over. I sent him a card and I drew a
picture of a Wild Thing on it. I wrote, ‘Dear Jim: I loved your card.’
Then I got a letter back from his mother and she said, ‘Jim loved your
card so much he ate it.’ That to me was one of the highest compliments
I’ve ever received. He didn’t care that it was an original Maurice
Sendak drawing or anything. He saw it, he loved it, he ate it.
I’ve gotta talk for a minute about Randy Moss’ face.
Because I know this is radio. I can’t just show it to you. But you’ve gotta believe me. It’s amazing.
Maybe you don’t know who Randy Moss is - he was a football player. A wide receiver. Now he talks about football on TV.
The other day he was talking on ESPN with Trent Dilfer. Dilfer was a quarterback.
And for context here: Moss is black, Dilfer’s white.
The two of them were talking about Colin Kaepernick. He’s the 49ers quarterback who’s been taking a knee during the national anthem to protest racism in America.
And Dilfer said this thing I’m about to play for you, and Moss made a face. You’re about to hear Dilfer talking, but it’s important you imagine the look on Moss’ face. Like you wouldn’t believe this face.
(Dilfer)
Moss’ face was like… eyes narrowed. Brows furrowed. Mouth pursed. Stare at full blast. Full on-laser beams shooting from his eyes. He looked like a cartoon character with steam coming from his ears.
And maybe it was just the “I’m really paying attention face.” But oh boy did it look like the “You must be playing face.” The “you gotta be kidding me” face. Or the “This dude can’t be for real face.“
And this face went viral.
Because listen to this.
(Dilfer)
What does that even mean? The unity of the team is more important that racism? I mean, seriously?
(Dilfer)
This is a classic white people move. The call for unity. I say this as a white person. We love to tell people who are pointing out racism, who are protesting inequality… that they’re trying to tear us apart.
But Randy Moss’ face says it all.
Because us white people don’t have to live with racism. We don’t have to see it. It’s transparent to us. We can choose not to see it. As long as we’re not saying the n-word or writing "whites only” above a water fountain, we think we’re cool. Our skin color means we can choose to look past wealth disaprities, or job discrimination, or discrimination in the legal system, or cultural hegemony, or any of a thousand other ways we are given the upper hand by our laws and culture. But people of color know what’s really going on. Even rich people of color who get to be on TV like Randy Moss. And if people of color say something about racism, we say back that it’s an attack on unity. That they’re not doing their part to hold the country together. They’re not turning the other cheek enough. But why is holding the country together their job? That’s what I think that face meant.
This whole you’re promoting division thing is a trick. It’s a feint. Protesting racism isn’t what tears us apart. Racism is what tears us apart.
Protesting racism doesn’t tear us apart. Racism tears us apart.
So Randy Moss made that face. That YOU MUST BE OUT OF YOUR MIND face.
Here’s the deal, my fellow white people. And yeah, people of color, relax for a minute, take a break, have a sandwich. This part is between me and Trent Dilfer and all my other whites out there.
White people: it’s not people of color’s job to protect us. It’s not their job to make us feel better. It’s not their job to end racism. Ending racism is OUR JOB. We made it. Let’s unmake it.
When someone tells you about racism, whe someone protests racism, THEY are not the source of the problem. The RACISM is the source of the problem. And we are the source of the racism. And we have the power to change it. So Trent Dilfer: I believe you that you care. I bet you’re a good dude. I thought you seemed smart and brave when you played for my favorite team, the 49ers. Most of us are good people of good will. I believe that.
But let’s be real right now.
Don’t want racism to get in the way of football? Let’s work to end racism. Don’t want racism to tear our country apart? Let’s work to end racism. If we really want unity, it’s time for US to step the heck up. Unity is within our reach. If WE step up.
You know who already stepped up? Colin Kaepernick. A brave multi-racial black guy with white parents who knows exactly how this stuff goes down on both sides of this divide. In a way that you and me Trent never will. In a way that none of us white people ever will.
Kaepernick’s telling us something. He’s asking us to do something. Let’s listen. Let’s take action. Let’s take responsibility. This is our problem. And there’s no better time for change than now.
OK: that’s all I got for white people right now. Sorry for the haranguing. I want you to know I’m not perfect, and hope you know I love you. OK, people of color I hope you enjoyed your break. I love you too. Welcome back.
Now everybody: I have one last proposal for unity. Let’s all go check out the look on Randy Moss’ face and laugh our asses off together.
it makes me so uncomfortable when people ask me “where do you see yourself in [x] years” like……..i see myself cold in the ground my guy but thats not the answer u want to hear so this is an awkward predicament we’re in huh
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